Overblog
Suivre ce blog Administration + Créer mon blog

Profil

  • Moog
  • En mode (re)découverte de cet équilibre qui m'est propre. J'aime chanter, le tai chi, lire, écrire, rire...apporter du bien être aux autres et profiter du quotidien.
  • En mode (re)découverte de cet équilibre qui m'est propre. J'aime chanter, le tai chi, lire, écrire, rire...apporter du bien être aux autres et profiter du quotidien.
30 juin 2009 2 30 /06 /juin /2009 19:43
The day begins with a short power supply shut down. After normal heating up operations I get out the house, then across the garden and the green metallic fence through impressive silence. Once in main street however, things completely change : the sky is a mess. Birds going in every direction, planes, potato clouds...seems clueless.

hurrying to station
in a garden red roses
oh so red !

Arriving at work, the place is deserted. After the gate, a black cat keeps company to our site star, the streets between the building are all empty. Inside my building, feels like after a heat wave. Opening the window and the door to make air flow through the foul smelling  door, open up the laptop so it can tell me the day flavour. Meeting day. Should have picked up a chinese sweet.

Workday goes on with many runs between the building floors and its meeting rooms., all nicknamed from a tree species, probably the work of a mad behaviourist consultant ; trees being scattered on two buildings and 3 floors few people are able to remember the clearing they belong. Soon we will need a GPS. As for work today,  a mess also. Chaotic and frustrating. No trust, no team, no action.

At the end of the morning I also learn of three to four departures that will take place today. With so many people in and out how can things ever stabilize? Took time to go say goodbye, two of them have made a whole career in the company, third one, outsourced, will not be hired on a permanent position. Like a crack in her voice that she tries hiding the best she can, saying see you soon instead of farewell.

no tomorrow -
see you soon she says and smiles
autumn in her eyes

And yet, in despite of all these warning signs showing how much people are in a loss for leadership and empowerment,  in this troubled regency, some few people resist and seem to be holding the building on their shoulders. Or rather on their smile and positive attitude. It's all about you. Good luck to you all.
Partager cet article
Repost0
29 juin 2009 1 29 /06 /juin /2009 19:30
Things seem to come to terms and I won't bother everyone longer with my awakening quality since they seem to stabilize on an acceptable level. Apart from an increased consciousness of my body and my heartbeat did have no fits for the last days.

My back and arms
they walk with me on the road
summer morning walk

Caught by jasmine smells just outside my house, fight to get across and nearly fall in front of a summer favourite : Violet horizon on a wide blue sky. Wow. Beautiful day.

On my way to the station, hear various noises of buzzing or gearing quality : a sparrow on the rope, a freewheeling bike, a car stationing in front of a road signal, its motor turning at very slow speed, and finally the meshing sound of the train I just missed, leaving the platform...

In a dirty corridor leading from train A to train B, on the top of an escalator a paper bit is locked between the comb's teeth, sent up by every step, brought back by the comb...subway sure is a butterfly nightmare.

Paper in the comb
Once a butterfly in spring
Summer in subway

Arrived to workplace, walking between the brick buildings, the sky seems to have no limits on this huge site, martins flying above show their white belly to the sun. White lightnings.

round flying martins
glimpse of white on black bullets
early summer morning

Ebbtide wave at work. Things almost solved brought back to initial unsolved state. Hate this peculiar version of weaving loom, and have no intention to play Penelopes any longer. Hope the new batch will arrive soon, everyone here is  trodding on toes, like walking on burning volcanic sand.
Partager cet article
Repost0
28 juin 2009 7 28 /06 /juin /2009 19:02
After yesterday's party's success, waking up serene and tired just after dawn. For hours I am waiting in bed, half asleep half awaken, but without any unknown and threatening presence waiting in the air. Just not the time to get up from my bed.

Finally getting up at 8, red-eyed wading through the flat to gather breakfast components. Then standing on the balcony, looking at the street and buildings in front, while absolutely no one, nor any car, passes through this quiet summer morning.

See the cleaners firing on the water on the kerbs, and soon small dry garbage gets lost at sea, brought by the current to an underground fate.

water streams through kerbs
yesterday's reliefs sailing 
summer regatta

Later, we glide through the flat like sweeping and cleaning ghosts, bringing back the furniture where they belong, the empty glass bottle to their garbage collector, then once everything is back to its natural or normal state, off we go to get our kids back.

On the afternoon, going with the kids on a artistic exhibition on an ancient railway track, now a walking path planted with trees. Although the sun is hot and everyone is thirsty, beauty everywhere : in the flower and leave colours while we go through a succession of shaded and sun-lighted places, in the artwork placed sometimes right into the bushes, and some other times tied to iron wrought grids.

Blurred edges between the garden and the museum, sometimes even between the artwork and the real place. Isn't it the best we could expect?

on ground forgotten
painter's pencils and colours
only a flower
Partager cet article
Repost0
27 juin 2009 6 27 /06 /juin /2009 14:40
After a week rather full of turmoil, waking up today in my bed just happy and serene. Seems the pain is not over but behind, fine with me, taking breakfast with my wife and kids is one of the week best moments. Got prepared in a hurry, since we let kids to my mother-in-law for the week-end, and tally ho to the car.

alone in the sky
a plane turning white on blue
summer morning -

Kids happy to stay with their grandmother, we are happy to go make shopping in a big mall for today's party. Inside the mall, the air is between cool and cold, all the area inhabitants are sure here. Once the booth is full and packed, and the rear seats are packed too, off we go through Paris. Feel kind of strange inside, nothing to do with pain or illness, a bittersweet mix of anxiety and sadness.

Time goes by and what did I do? Except in my family life I have the feeling I did accomplish nothing, or so few things. Since the beginning of the year I started writing again,  and I started this haibun diary also, but things progress so slowly and seems I can dedicate only bits of time to everything and everyone. Frustration. Much better relations with people than in the past, no fear anymore of social meetings, but still too much dead ends at nearly fourty, something is clearly missing.

There is something I lost when leaving my former company, a sense of being useful that I really need on a daily basis. to feel complete. I am ready to deal all coffee cups in the world against it. I'll find a way.

oh street passers-by
your smiles are like milestones
summer afternoon
Partager cet article
Repost0
26 juin 2009 5 26 /06 /juin /2009 21:30
Today, woke up after a long distance night ; for hours searching for a position with no pain, finally at dawn accepted that pain had to part of it, too late to sleep. Dressed up like a robot and found my way to the outside where everything had this muffled quality like after hangover morning.

During train trip too, silent moves and frozen places, did everyone got laid and drunk yesterday night, on a thursday? My, crisis worse than it seemed.

At work, balance is difficult to keep; more people leaving, and more people sick make less people willing to tackle difficulties together. On the whole, a good production day, and a good team spirit around. Better not to look too far.

Also hard to sit, and hard not to sit. Pain has his virtues it would not let you rely too much on a given position. So have HR.

yellow lime dry leave
should have stayed till autumn
summer heat wave -
Partager cet article
Repost0
25 juin 2009 4 25 /06 /juin /2009 18:56

It is difficult to pick up a flavour today. Many things are mixed or jumbled and even trying to address all of it in the same time the best I can, I must accept that sometimes the best is a low grade. Jumbled day then, concluded by a storm, jumbled also, like all summer storms : so so rain, no visible lightning bolts, sometimes at contrapunct the thunder rolls, sky blue with a crown of clouds...I feel lost.

It is new for me to have pain for companion, I dealt before with more or less violent fits like everyone : toothache, headache, a big bruise...but things are different now, and pain while less violent seems here to stay. I do not know for how many times we will walk together, but I am prepared to make a long way with it.

the pain in my back
like a hot wood walking stick
any summer day

Partager cet article
Repost0
24 juin 2009 3 24 /06 /juin /2009 19:47
This morning, I wake up and I am feeling good, just tired. One zillion birds on the lawn, and clouds like chinese ideogram that I cannot read. Lesson over, finding sleep in the last train, and nonetheless getting through the morning like a yawn machine. OK, this is only my second no coffee day.

Today also I am experiencing the post emergency time flow, the one where things move slowly again. Getting from meeting to meeting while receiving new demands in the mean time, could lead to madness...but madness is not required, only calm. Why worry? Most of these are due to lack of guidance and mutual understanding. Chop one wood block after the other.

On the way back, meeting known people on the street, a smile against a smile, really makes my day.

the street I live in
every tree every person
like the summer sun
Partager cet article
Repost0
23 juin 2009 2 23 /06 /juin /2009 19:44
Today, while I am progressing through the garden I feel totally alone. Sky empty blue, no birds, no clouds, no summer noises. All the way to the station this loneliness feeling walks with me as a stranger part of myself. Vanilla Sky.

First no coffee day at work. Feel weird in the coffee machine room with my glass of water, feel weird standing on cotton legs in front of a white board. My left arm is like stuffed with a cold and itchy paste. Hard to focus on production while wondering if a heart attack can last for days.

Everywhere, everytime, feel like wading through a swamp with my cotton legs.

 A funny and good lunch with former colleagues. For an hour I thought to nothing else than enjoying them. Like the breeze after a heat wave.

Afternoon short till my meeting with my physicist. Got there on time which always seems like a small miracle on my trip back through these three overcrowded pipes. Soon summer vacation will give us rest, and maybe we can sit on afternoon peak hours?

The doctor listens to my whining and symptomas, to my heartbeat, to my breathe, takes my blood pressure and puts me on the electrocardiogram machine. Conclusion : nothing wrong with the heart. Obviously not a heart attack then.

Problem seems to come from the stomach and the pipe going there, like it could close in spasms. Since it is close to the one that brings air, it provides a good simulation of running out of air. Get out feeling cold and warm in the same time.

street running cars - 
flying lime yellow leaves
summer dinner time
Partager cet article
Repost0
22 juin 2009 1 22 /06 /juin /2009 19:08
Today, two new episodes. Like saturday's but less violent. Shivers and cotton legs take me just before the lunch, as I met two former colleagues now kind of friends. A point when I hesitate to ask being let to the nearest hospital, then wave passes and I am let on the rocky beach, one hour before I am back to normal state. Chatting health problems with my friends like nannies at hairdresser, clearly I am not the worse case here. Nervous laugh with blocked ribs. Uneasy.

Then on my way home, second fit, weaker and shorter, as I stand in my three trains. Passed it with deep breathing, clearly I'll have soon to get a training on breathing and start again tai chi, sometimes feel like a fish on a market stand.

breathing while walking
only breathing inside -
summer in subway

The connection seems to be more with the coffee than with the heart. Do I have to stop it as I had to stop smoking years ago? I am not a pundit in delicatessen, fond of weird country coffees or sustainable equitable coffees, at least not more than the usual consumer those days, coffee to me is more a social thing. But I hate the idea to be forced to do it  again by my body.

standing on in trains
clutching to bar and breathing
afternoon peak hour

Getting at last off the third train, walking on the platform how soft is the sun, how beautiful the flowers and the women. Got outside the station like I am born again, breathing the air this time just to feel it and taste it, bathed in the summer evening breeze.

just off the station
hot damp sweating and tired
the summer breeze !
Partager cet article
Repost0
21 juin 2009 7 21 /06 /juin /2009 16:53
For once a quiet and cool sunday, without any social commitment, with time to dedicate to one another, and also for once in days, sun is shining. Today is summer day one. We go on a trip with children bikes to a park close to our house, once there we trod along the big water pond while kids bike around, usually 50 meters ahead and waiting for us to rejoin them to carry on. Small loops inside a big one.

From behind the fence, football player shoutings seem to come from very far, as we hike silently along the pond banks. On the lawn that borders the small road, grey and yellow remains of mowed grass are stuck to nearest blossoming bushes. Close to the airport as we are, every four minutes a plane crosses silently the sky above our heads, sometimes with their landing wheels already out.

Following a blackbird, finding out by chance another pond, quieter than the first, where waterbirds are nesting. And as I walk along, suddenly I stop walking and even breathing. A whole swan family sits on the bank five meters from me. The cygnets are gathered close to one another, white and fluffy, while one adult sleeps standing and the other watches around. A very quiet place indeed.

packed as in a nest
impatient fluffy cygnets
summer bathings ah

All along the way around the pond, many signs confirm summer is here. Although last week weather was rather dull, cold and rainy, tree branches are loaded with unripe but already big fruits, birdlings are singing everywhere, and as soon as sun got out of this morning cloudy blanket, heat comes at once.

below the cherrytree
dead branch or red flamingo?
first day of summer

tasty wild cherries
blossoming hydrangeas
summer hatching day
Partager cet article
Repost0